Walking Away

Ever had a terrible boss or bully that you wish you had the guts to give them a piece of your mind? The kind of taking the last word to an all time show stopping sentence that is witty, bad ass, poignant, drop-the-mic, peace out energy. This sort of momentous jaw-dropping scene is something I would wholeheartedly want to see, but realistically, I doubt I’ll ever experience. I absolutely praise other people who do get their wonderful poetic justice, but I’ve actually never had a moment where I wanted or needed to do that.

I’ve had some wonderful bosses (so far) and I’ve had what I would call “unofficial bullies”. They weren’t your traditional run-of-the-mill cruel or dangerously harming kind of sort. Sure they didn’t like me, but they never acted on their dislike, except for saying a few slightly insulting phrases from time to time. Most of my haters have been silently seething their pain from an anonymous and unspoken distance… Why they hated me or what they disliked about me doesn’t matter. It’s not about that. What does matter is this, if you are dealing with a real bully or find yourself facing off with a completely awful person, walk away (or run if they’re chasing you and you are in imminent peril). I know that sounds completely ridiculous.

But here is the thing, people who are unkind to the point they want their cruelty to be known, are individuals who want you to react. They feed off your pain, fear, anxiety, because it gives them power to think they can make you feel weak. This is why a brave and strong-willed person, actually stands up to a bully by not caring or giving the bully as little attention as possible. Nothing makes a bully more irritated than someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass and ignores them. It sounds bizarre because it is a bit counterintuitive. Trust me, the more disinterested you are to a bully, the more you remove their power over you. Unless this person is running at you with a weapon or you physically can’t walk away, don’t fight back. I don’t mean, ‘Don’t defend yourself’, if you need to save your own ass, please do so.

I mean metaphorically, if your life is not being threatened, then just let that bully go (from your mind, from any concern, and let them be your past). Don’t give them one reaction or chance to win. Because even if you do get your last word, that bully won’t necessarily care or change just by you telling them off. Sure, it may make you feel good, but don’t expect it to change them one bit. They won’t herald or honor you or give two cents. But at least you will have said something amazing and if that’s all that matters then power to you. Have fun, giving them a good word. But if what you end up saying isn’t spectacular, you could turn into the spectacle yourself. And that’s why I might also advise, don’t make a grandiose last stance all together.

If you’ve ever watched the “Back to the Future” trilogy, which are great films and literally the movie titles tell it all. There’s a scene where Marty McFly is being called a ‘chicken’ by his school bully, Biff Tannen, and Marty can’t quite walk away from the fight. (I know, ‘chicken,’ but in the 80s that was totally insulting, which I would now respond with big, “Bok bok bitch!” energy -Peik Lin, Crazy Rich Asians). So yes, there’s a totally classic cat and mouse scene of Marty giving a great punch and dodging things, while Biff gets his ass kicked. But what the films will eventually teach you, is that we need to have stronger egos and that letting a bully insult you is not worth your time.

In the grand scheme of things, those haters, bullies, or terrible bosses aren’t worth your energy. As soon as possible quit your job or avoid this unkind person to the best of your abilities. Nowadays, most bullies seem to troll the internet and judge every thing, no matter if they have met you or not. Don’t play into their hands, their games, or any of it by clicking on that click bait and falling into a rabbit hole of trying to win a fight with them. These bullies (are cowards) and have never felt safer or more confident than hating on people from behind their screens. But what we have to remember is this, these haters are strangers. And if you remember from your lessons when you were younger, “We don’t talk to strangers.” Now, take a deep breath and then walk away from the situation. Truly. Ignoring these people will be better for your health and improve the use of your time.

These bullies are self-conscious, unable to be content with themselves, and don’t realize that they would be liked more if they stopped trying so hard and acted with civility for once. But all we can do from afar is not do anything. We can have compassion or pity for their plight. That is not the same thing as excusing their actions. What bullies say and do to people is absolutely terrible, but we can minimize their power by not being terrorized. In my experience, acting with kindness and goodness back can also melt some of their icy hearts. As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.”